Have you ever wondered what it would be like to start completely over? Not as in being reborn again, but a life where those regrets you carry with you no longer exist. A life where you’re happy. A life where, all the circumstances surrounding you suddenly feel tolerable again. A life in which, you’d want to see through to the end instead of being the cause of the end.
I guess I got lucky. I went from being a quadruple major in college surrounded by an intriguing friend group to having nothing. No degree, no close friends that I see and talk to every day. No definite career path to chase after even. I got lucky enough to fall into a hole that didn’t take me past zero. But instead, made enough mistakes to land me right back at zero. The very beginning. Nothing more, nothing less.
Some people want to start over completely and wish that they could erase their past mistakes. Others move on and accept their fate. But for me, I grew tired of what was around me, so I constantly wanted to change. To improve, to get better. Since I messed up, I knew that I had to fix it. However, after I while I got used to it all. Becoming not only just comfortable in my circumstances, but also growing to like myself even though I am super flawed and there’s over a million things that people would label as “wrong with me”.
Maybe this is what one would call “self-confidence” or a “sense of identity”, but I see it as character development. I don’t like who I’m developing into, so I guess I need to change that. But at the end of it all, I guess I realized that even though I’m a mess, I’m still lucky. I’m lucky that I have this chance to land perfectly back at zero and not past it. Lucky to not land right before zero where I would still have something to cling on to. Right where I’m at, where I have nothing, is exactly where I need to be to redirect my life and start over. A chance to restart.
How will I level up next?
Special thanks to Artificer Cascadia for the amazing photography!