My Psychic Addiction

In the past year, I have almost $7000 on psychics. $6640.53 on one app alone to be exact and not even including taxes.

How?

This financial disaster dates back to December of 2016. My mom has a friend, who has a kid about my age; about a month and two days older with the same birthday as one of my past best friends. Ever since my sophomore year of high school, we reconnected and ended up becoming close, then fading off, then being close again. It seemed like just a series of coincidences and I ended up liking him a lot, but since we had really different backgrounds and completely different friend groups, I used to brush it off to the back of my mind because I knew that it wouldn’t work out.

Or so I thought.

After I had left for college, him and I still talked regularly and Snapchatted each other almost every other day or so, or at least once a week. He would get drunk and send me random things; I would respond back with how he shouldn’t drink so much or just make jokes with him. Just random, casual conversation. But all in all, I guess, I really enjoyed our random 1-5 minute conversations even though we lived about 2-3 hours apart. However, when I had come home again for Winter Break, his messages stopped.

It wasn’t your normal “oh yeah he just left me on seen,” but eventually, my snaps weren’t even being opened.

Maybe he just got annoyed with me and didn’t want to talk to me anymore.

I got a gift at the time and had it delivered through Amazon, but after Christmas my snaps were still left unopened.

Maybe he just wasn’t home. Maybe he didn’t care.

But after a while, I thought he was dead.

While I was super sheltered, he grew up on the streets. I was a nerdy AP Everything student in high school while he had started smoking cigarettes in the 2nd grade for “shits and giggles, ” and in pretty much in every way possible, we were complete opposites from each other but he had been super protective of me, looked out for me by telling me not to do things that he has done or things like “focus on school” or “go to sleep”. He was direct and I snapped at him constantly, but we had a mutual lecture to lecture relationship where we would just be straight up with each other to improve each other for the better.

The thing is, he lived kind of a dangerous life. But if he really did die, I probably wouldn’t find out for months.

As if to answer my questionable, irrational worries, on December 28th, an ad popped up on my Facebook News Feed for Zodiac Touch, an app where you can talk to “Real Life” psychics for a free 3 minutes. 

Now, I was skeptical. I had gotten tarot card readings and had two or three witch friends at the time, one of which taught me numerology. Like most teenage girls, I had gone through a major astrology phase in high school as well. Feeling as if being a Scorpio defined me to a T. However, every tarot card reading I had ever gotten has always come true. Even if they didn’t know the situation, or what my question was, every single tarot card reading I had ever gotten in my life has been pretty much spot on with how/what I had been thinking at the time, along with the outcome. But even with Tarot cards, it was hard to get direct answers to “Is he still alive?”

So I thought, “Why not?”

I downloaded the app. If anything, they would just tell me what I would “want” to hear and I could leave it be and never use it again. At the time, I have a tendency to overthink things so I figured maybe he really just didn’t want to talk to me anymore. But on the off chance that he really was dead, who better than to ask then someone who could see ghosts and talk to spirits.

Going into my first ever psychic reading, the answer I got was “Yes he’s still very alive, and he’s your soulmate.” 

Now thinking back, at the time, I didn’t care at all about the soulmate thing.

It was more of a “that would be cool if it was true but I couldn’t care less as long as he’s alive” thing than a “wow I can’t believe we’re meant to be” thing. 

However, after New Years came and went and my snaps remained unopened and his story remained non-existent, I started off Winter Quarter of my freshman year in college still thinking that he might be dead. After I had gotten back to my dorm, I decided to just give him a call. If he really didn’t want to talk to me maybe he would just answer and say “What do you want” or rudely say something. 

Anything. 

To my horror, his phone didn’t even ring and disconnected. I had no way of contacting him. I got a reading from my witch friend in our dorm after we got back as well, and it basically said “yeah, the truth is something you don’t want to hear and a time of depression is coming.”

For the next two weeks, I started putting money in my psychic app desperately trying to get an answer that actually made sense.

Something like, “He was dead. He was totally and utterly dead” or “Yeah he’s still alive but he just doesn’t want to talk to you anymore.”

But no, every single one was “No he’s still alive and okay but feeling really alone at the moment but he likes and cares about you.” 

I went about the next two weeks of the quarter agonizing about not being able to get closure while coming to terms that I was spending money on complete liars and that the love of my life was dead but I really hoped that he was still alive and just hated me or something.

About two to three weeks of uncertain grief later, my snaps were opened.

He replied back with “I didn’t have my phone for the fattest minute, chill.”

And then, my finances only went down from there. He was still himself, told me not to worry about it, and brushed off my questions. But, he was alive.

The thing is, now that we caught up and after a few weeks of unnecessary grieving, one thing was clear to me. He was important to me. Like, really important to me and I liked him more than I thought I did.

To top things off, we reconnected and he didn’t actually hate me exactly when and how the psychics had said he would.

This was the beginning of the end.

Fast forwarding to the present, him and I don’t talk anymore. With the whole soulmate thing from the first and various other readings in the back of my mind, I became really pushy and frustrated at how he cared about me but didn’t actually want a relationship with me, while more and more psychics said that we would get together eventually.

Maybe I was just desperate, maybe I was hopeful, or maybe I was just plain stupid but wow, him being my soulmate just seemed like the only potential answer that could possibly explain everything at this point. Why there was so many coincidences like how our moms had known each other before we were born, how we were the same age yet had completely contrasting backgrounds, why he was so protective of me.

But all in all, it didn’t come to be and I just became overbearing.

Back in January, during the first few weeks before he had snapped me back, I had another psychic, Psychic C, that had said my childhood friend was alive, and did like me but he would end up avoiding me and wasn’t the one. However, that I would meet the one in about 5 years from then. That his name would start with a T, but it was a really short name. That he was a business major, Asian, and liked working out.

On August 28th of 2017, I had another reading from someone I’ll call Mystic M who said my “twin flame” had the initials of “T.N.” and that we would cross paths in November, take time meeting, and he would be 5’10”.

And as fate would have it, my current boyfriend fits all of these descriptions and we matched on Tinder right after Thanksgiving then had our first date on November 29th.

Once again, we’re surrounded by coincidences. His birthday is the same day as my grandma’s and 5 days after mine. His sister’s birthday is the same day as my Ex and 6 days before my sister’s. And to top it off, when I had gotten the reading from Psychic C I was going to be quadruple majoring so I was going to be there for about 5 years, while the cousin that he was closest to had turned out to be in the same Chinese class as me. If all had gone according to my original plans, would I have ended up meeting him through his cousin?

Psychics can be accurate. They can give time frames, names and even career switches. But I’ve found that the best ones also give a disclaimer that their time frames and events can end up changing because of free will. For the longest time, I wanted them to prove me wrong. That no matter what I did, their predictions would still come true. That with these accurate predictions, I could actually know what was going to happen next and not have to deal with the anxiety and fear of not knowing.

I had originally started going to psychics because I was anxious, and I wanted definitive answers. The thing is, once their predictions would come to pass, I just get more anxious. Scared even, that what if my life really is already laid out before I had even made the decisions.

After becoming overdrawn by almost $1000, feeling as if a few of them were my best friend and even just spending money to get readings because I was bored, I’ve found that no matter how accurate of predictions a psychic can give, even they don’t know what will happen.

It’s so easy to change your life completely.

There’s times where I get sad because maybe if I hadn’t tried to prove them wrong; to prove them right, then maybe all of the original readings I had gotten would have come true. Maybe I would still be quadruple majoring or I would just be more put together in general.

Would I still be close friends with everyone I used to be close friends with?

Would my childhood friend and I still talk?

Would I have had enough money to live on my own at this point?

I don’t know. And even they don’t know.

Whatever we do know aside, the reality that our existence is made up of a past, present and future is a fact. Even when our future has been predicted yet known, or unknown and changed, life is just an accumulation of the experiences both us and others create dependent on our decisions.

For the next 3 years, I still have various predictions on my love life, career and finances that I have to wait to see if they play out. The question is, not if but how they’ll play out.

Looking back, all of the readings I have ever gotten have held some truth in them, and even though some have been more accurate that others, in a way, the main gist of them have come to pass.

How will I experience fate next?

Special Thanks to Antoine, @Twanmedia24 for the amazing Photography

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