On Being Everyone’s “Best Friend”

“You have the personality for it,”

He said, cautiously aiming the camera as he snapped the next shot of my awkwardly positioned self as we continued our photo shoot for the Ragfinery Fashion Show, an annual up-cycling contest up in Bellingham, Washington. This was my first ever photo shoot with an actual photographer, and let me tell you, I was talking at least 500 words a minute in an attempt to hide how nervous I was.

At the time, I had entered the up-cycling contest on a whim. Buying different pieces of used fabric to a bright red used dress, littering my side of the dorm with black and white scraps while blasting Halsey on my phone,  and shaking as I took my first steps into a ballroom full of people in elaborate costumes. It made me realize a lot of things and it was a time for a lot of firsts. But the biggest thing, was that it was the first time I really began to take my life into my own hands, and shape it.

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Ragfinery Cirque of Couture (2017) 
Photography thanks to Artificer Cascadia

We talked about how I had wanted to become a fashion designer and how he thought I could do it because I “had the personality” for it. Maybe I do, or maybe I don’t, but it got me thinking.

What about my personality has that kind of draw?
Do I really have that kind of charismatic energy about me?

I honestly don’t have an answer for that still. Throughout middle school, I met a lot of different kind of people and it really opened my eyes to how so many people experience different events, and how those events can be much harder than what I’ve experienced.

However, because they went through much rougher lifestyles, my problems were often invalidated.

“You’re lucky,” or “at least you don’t have to go through what I go through every day” were all common expressions.The thing is, they were also very valid. They were right. It forced me to look beyond myself; it made me realize that many people experience worse things than I do, and that those people aren’t just in the news. They were next to me. They knew me. And I wanted to help them.

But the problem was, how?

The hard part about helping people is that most of the time what happens to them is not only is the situation around them out of their control, but it’s out of our control as well. It gets to a point where you realize that, stuff happens. The first step to helping others isn’t coming up with a concrete solution, but I’ve found that most people just want to be understood. In addition to that, we all experience things through different perspectives and small things to one can end up as major issues to another.

However, since we all want to be understood, the hardest part to helping others with personal problems may be the fact that they’re not us. They don’t always do what they do because of why we do the things that we do. They don’t get sad and moody over what upsets us.

People say that, I “have the personality” for it, or the “mindset” for it. But, I think it’s a lot more than just an ambitious streak. It’s not just the positive revelations and determination, but coming to terms with our moments of clarity.

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Eye contact still scares me. I have huge stage fright and my anxiety goes through the roof every time I get approached by someone new. But I’m also outgoing, social, and impulsive. Naive but jaded, energetic and courageous, yet terrified and inconsistent.

The painful moments where we realize that we’ve messed up, how life can suck, how things didn’t go as we expected. It’s about taking these moments, and using them to shape ourselves up as people and run with it. We’re all filled with so much different potential, but yet, we’re the things that block out our potential the most.

People opening up to me, and for some reason, liking me? 

It’s overwhelming even. It blows my mind beyond comprehension and makes me always wonder why. Regardless of what reasons they may give me, it’s never enough.

Alike how we need to understand others to help them, I guess the most important step to helping ourselves, is to truly understand ourselves as who we are. Yet, how we see ourselves can be so negative and far from the truth.

How do we figure ourselves out and deal with it in a way that makes us happy?

With being everyone’s “best friend,” we need to have enough confidence in ourselves to lift others up. To effectively help others, you don’t need to be put together at all. You can be lost, you can be hurt. It’s okay to not be okay. But to see where others are coming from and lift them up, we need to pieced together enough in a way so that we won’t compare ourselves to other people. To recognize others as equally important individuals is so much easier said than done since we tend to see others as either above and below us when we’re feeling down.

To truly proceed, maybe there’s nothing to “fix” about ourselves, but really, everything to accept about ourselves both wonderful and atrocious. By accepting who we are and staring ourselves face to face, the painful revelations are the catalysts that add to our character development.

How has your character been developing?

Until next time,

DefinitelyNotEmi

Special thanks to Sammy L Photography for the amazing photography!

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Shoes: Women’s Indi Peep Toe Bootie Heel

Shirt: Blush Music Note Girls Sharkbite Tank Top

Jacket: Juniors’ Candie’s® Lace Crop Moto Jacket

Skirt: Japanese Sweet Piano Keys Skirt Embroidered Skirt

 

 

Eclipses and Elliptical Realizations

They say eclipses hold some kind of magic.

Previously theorized to have been a dragon eating the Sun, or a quarrel between the Sun and the Moon, it is now seen as a bad omen foretelling disasters, destruction, and even death.

However, with the massive eclipse over the United States this morning, new superstitions have also risen. Things like “make a wish” or how seeing it will give you good luck because it is a once in a life time opportunity. It seems like everything that’s expected to only be a once in a life time opportunity, is always associated with some kind of magical quality.

The “it only happens once” factor.

Why is that?

We spend so much time wondering about the unknown to the point that we become afraid even, of what we don’t know. It’s terrifying. Making decisions without knowing for sure what will happen next, how we’re told that one choice will end up dictating our entire lives. But by knowing something will only ever happen once and never again, we end up pushing ourselves to follow through and seize the opportunity.

The motivation that just knowing one thing in a midst of uncertainty is exhilarating.

Maybe even where the magic truly lies.

People make decisions based on what best benefits our self-interests. For some, their self-interest is in other people so they put others first. On the other hand, for others, their self-interests lie in themselves. There’s so much more to it than just that though. It’s not in just black and white. There’s considerate people who put themselves first because they feel that they can’t take care of other people well if they’re not put together themselves, while there’s people who want to help others but can’t because they are a mess. You have people who act nice and caring only to gain your favor to climb up the social ladder, while the people who can say the rudest things show the most genuine humane actions.

In the face of all these contradictions, we not only live a world where anything can happen but also a pool of uncertainty because, anything really can happen.  We don’t know anything for sure except for what we’ve experienced and what the numbers prove. Yet every so often, even the numbers are wrong.

What if it doesn’t  happen only once? What if it doesn’t happen at all?

What if, what happens in the future doesn’t matter… because it doesn’t exist yet?

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Lately, I’ve been asked where I want to be 30 years from now or even just what I expect to be doing just 5 years from now.

I’m not sure if you remember what you imagined high school to be like when you were in kindergarten then coming to the realization that it wasn’t like anything you expected after you actually went into high school but, I guess adulthood works the same way.

I used to be really worried about my future.

How I had to get experience now to get a job, how the passions I had needed time to build up to make money, and how those passions wouldn’t amount to anything so I had to keep a back up plan up to date.

But if adulthood works the same way as growing up did the first 18 years of my life, which, it kind of does more or less, things aren’t going to go the way I planned.

They didn’t and it’ll continue that way.

However even though things don’t go the way you want them to sometimes, that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t fall into place.

With this eclipse, I’ve come to a realization that instead of worrying about where I will be years from now, why not focus on where I am currently and how I can progress?

What’s the use of stressing out over a future that probably won’t come to pass, when you can put that stress into a present that you actually have control over?

We’re making our future as we speak, but the responsibility of it all can be overwhelming. Yet, like the eclipse, every decision we make of every second of every day that we make still is once in a life time because the context of why and how you make it will never be the same.

The weather will be different, maybe your relationships will change.

But by using the same magic that’s gotten millions of people to back up traffic on the freeways to Oregon and invest in special glasses, we can use this “once in a lifetime” factor in our daily lives.

With the eclipse of our beloved Sol, we can let the fear of uncertainty in our souls be eclipsed as well and bet on ourselves.

Continue to live on and set your red balloons free at sunset my lovelies.

Until next time!
DefinitelyNotEmi

Special Thanks to Anuj Photography

Featured Photo

Shirt: Women’s Dana Buchman Sheer Embroidered Tunic Shirt (Similar but Better – Kohls)

Pants: Destroyed Push-Up Skinny Jeans (Charlotte Russe)

Shoes:  Women’s Kathleen T-Strap Pump (Payless)

Skedaddling and Flanneling

Good Morning Lovelies!

I don’t know about you guys, but man has it been a week. I feel like I always get flustered over the little things, so it kind of just adds up and I end up feeling I just lived through a season of some TV drama by Saturday.

Back in middle school, I got really amazed by the fact at how I could move my hand and how there were 7 billion other people in the world that could also be moving their hand at the exact same time. Of course, that’s not exactly true. But over time, I still can’t get over the fact of how so much happens at any given second of our lives, yet we still only focus on whatever our “present” is. And I think, that is amazing.

As you’re reading this post, the things that make up these letters, these words, and what it took to make all grow into a cohesive language, someone else is just sitting around and eating a pizza created from the same kind of extensive history. At the same time, over 7 billion people are using things all with a history of some kind and just existing. 

It’s crazy to me no matter how many times I’ve thought about it.

Young Emily plays in a Fountain - 2017

This outfit was something I actually pieced together last year, towards the end of my Senior year of High School. I remember changing my wardrobe completely towards the end of the year, powered with the urge to really just embrace fashion. I’ve dressed up before, bought clothes I liked, etc. But during senior year, I really just had this constant thought of, “I want to look hot.”

Such a stereotypical post-pubescent thought right?

It was the start to something though. Becoming and feeling more attractive was really not just “Man, I want to look good” but really, it was just me determined to become something I was confident in.

When the thoughts you hear most are from yourself, might as well give the inner you something to compliment yourself on. It doesn’t always work, I act sociable when I’m at work or school but man, nothing brings out my anxiety more than when I think that everyone around me is judging me. 

I’ve come to the point where I realize that, they’re just judging me because I’m acting weird since I think that they’re judging me but, just cause I realize it doesn’t mean I can get over it.

But either way, awkwardness aside, I’ve found that wearing what makes you feel attractive will make you attractive. Find what works best for you.

With a light grey-and-white flannel I had gotten from a clearance rack off of Kohl’s, I experimented around until I paired them up with some slick high-waisted black shorts and a purple tank top to add a pop of color.

These customized winged boots from SpreePicky made my life. They were a bit on the expensive side, but wow. Boots? With WINGS?

They get mixed reactions but I kid you not, they’re non-slip, kept me safe in the winter snow and still stylish in the summer. I love them to death.

Although it looks like the boots with bat wings aren’t on sale anymore, they have new ones with bunny ears that come in black and a cream!

Link’s down below!

Set your red balloons off at sunset,

let go of your thoughts and be you as this cycle ends.

Hope you have a great weekend and until next time!

Layers with Shorts

-DefinitelyNotEmi

Special Thanks to Brian Freeland Photography

Boots:  Beige/Black Rabbit Ears Low Martin Boots (SpreePicky – Similar)

Subtly Edgy Jackets and Summer Layers

Clearance racks and thrift stores have a mixed social stigma still but, I’m pretty happy with this outfit that was made from exactly that. The ruffled floral tank added a little pop of color to the whole thing without being too overwhelming while the ruffles kept it fun and flowing.

Being the wannabe edge-lord I am, I decided to add high-waisted shorts for a little more impact while the subtle off-white of the jacket to tie it all together.

Sadly, the jacket is from my mom’s old stash of clothes but this faux leather jacket at Charlotte Russe will add more pop to it and would make it even more refined.  However,Tank and shorts are on clearance at Kohl’s!

Set your red balloon off at every sunset you come across.

Until next time and hope you have a great start to your week!
-DefinitelyNotEmi

Special Thanks to Brian Freeland Photography