“Hey, you up for a shoot tomorrow?”
With an excited yes in response and a somewhat guilty conscious, my friend Brian and I made our way to a local park to do a quick shoot so I would have something to post. However, our little morning park adventure turned out to be a lot more eventful than I thought it would be.
When we first arrived, there had been a Ukrainian wedding taking place. To my dismay, we couldn’t find the bride or groom anywhere but the audience was flooded Payless, lots of people have been picking up shoes for upcoming weddings as well.
I guess, the month of August is also the month of weddings. It’s got me thinking.
What is love to me?
What do I want in a relationship?
I’ve come to the realization that I’ve been so busy obsessing over these two questions and even going to psychics about questions about my love life for the past year that not only should I just be focusing on myself as a person instead, but even if I know who I’m supposed to end up with, or even how someone else potentially feels about me, if they don’t do anything about it then it’s almost the same as if they didn’t have feelings for me at all.
The problem is, if I try to initiate something I always end up coming off as too awkward or pushy. But if I don’t, I become anxious.
What are you supposed to do at that point?
Personally, even if you tell me what I should do in this situation and you’re right, I probably still won’t do it. I guess, maybe I’m just unreasonably stubborn. I need constant confirmation yet I can’t believe in the evidence I’m given, so it’s an endless cycle.
The thing is, maybe what you’re supposed to do doesn’t matter.
We all have things we’re supposed to do or expected to do that we end up not doing. Things that we shouldn’t do and are expected not to do. Not just exercising or not drinking that “one more shot” but also things like saying “I hate you” to your mom minutes before she dies of a sudden heart attack, bullying that kid back in elementary school, or deciding to ghost someone randomly because you wanted some distance.
These tragedies are real things and awful, but yet they happen.
Though those examples aren’t from me personally, they’re real stories I have either heard or taken a part in. Maybe for every amazing person I encounter, there’ll be 10 more awful ones. But I don’t have control over that.
Instead of stressing out over love lives and how things should or are supposed to be, the trick to being happy is to focusing on how we aren’t better than anyone, but no one is better than us.
By remembering that we’re all people and equal to each other, not above or below, we’ll be able to achieve a sense of true self confidence.
And maybe, just maybe, that’s where true love really begins.
Special Thanks to Brian Freeland Photography